티스토리 툴바


See how Time flies like a fat old owl,
Frowning, upon us emptying its bowels.
I open my mouth like a beggar's bowl,
But the fleeting Muses drop not a vowel.


저기 시간이 나는 것 좀 보게
늙고 살찐 부엉이처럼
찌푸린 얼굴로
머리 위에 똥을 갈기네

가엾어라, 나는
동냥 그릇 마냥 입만 벌리고
지나치네, 영감靈感은
낱말 한 톨 적선도 아깝다고

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생강노래

그냥 쓰기 2012/01/26 19:54
그대 내 이름
불러 주지 아나
꼬치 되어
보지도 모탄
나는 방에
한 뭉치
밤 꼬츨 피우ㅇ다
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지난 주말 시카고에서 영하의 날씨 속에 거리를 걷다가 다음과 같은 사업 아이디어가 떠올랐다.


- 사업개요: 추운 겨울날 흐르는 콧물만큼 불쾌한 것이 없다. 더군다나 주머니 속에 손수건 한 장 없을 때 코속에 가득 고인 콧물이 인중을 타고 흘러내리기 시작하면, 그 처리가 곤란한 상황에 난감하기까지 하다. 도시인이라면 누구나 가지고 있을만한 이 고민을 속시원히 해결해 줄 상품이 바로 오늘 소개할 사업 아이템이다. 골자는 이렇다 - 행인의 코를 풀어주고 돈을 받는다. 그 뿐만이 아니라, 다 풀고 나면 로션도 발라주고 거울에 얼굴도 비춰 보여주고 떠나는 사람에게는 티슈 몇 장도 쥐여준다. 가격은 1달러 정도가 적당할 듯 하다.


- 사회적 기업: 홈리스(homeless) 피플을 적극 고용함으로서 노동력을 확보하는 동시에 사회 기여도를 높인다. 무엇보다 코를 풀어주는 사람은 용모가 단정하고 청결해야 하므로, 홈리스에게 자신을 가꾸는 교육을 시킴으로서 그들의 일상에의 복귀와 자존감 회복을 돕는 긍정적인 결과를 거둘 수 있을 것이다. 이러한 사회 참여 노선은 기업의 이미지를 개선시킬 뿐만 아니라 관련된 정부기관으로부터의 지원을 모색할 수도 있다.


- 다양한 수익 모델: 사실 코를 훔치는 데에 1달러는 지나친 비용으로 받아들여질 가능성이 있다. 따라서 행인들에게 코풀기 서비스를 무료로 제공하는 대신, 일정 시간 동안 광고를 보게하는 방안이 있다. 또한 브랜드의 지명도가 올라가기 시작하면 기업의 이름을 딴 티슈를 론칭하는 장기 전략도 고려할 가치가 있다. 

- 공격적인 전략: 한 도시에 지점을 최대한 많이 늘리는 데에 주력하여 코풀어주는 노점상을 그 도시의 명물로 만든다. 관광상품의 일부가 되면 주변 여행지와의 연계를 통한 보다 다양한 서비스가 가능하며, 홍보비용을 아낄 수 있고, 지역정부의 지원을 받게되는 계기로 삼을 수도 있다. 


- 회원제 운용: 한달 15불 정도의 비용으로 도시 곳곳에 배치된 부스(booth)를 언제나 자유롭게 이용할 수 있게한다. 또한 골드(gold)회원들에게는 따뜻하게 데운 물수건도 제공한다.

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며칠 전 부모님과 통화를 하는데 요즘은 무슨 생각을 하고 사는지 물으셨다 그래서 장난 삼아 일전에 쓴 걸 일기랍시고 읽어드렸다

그냥 이렇게 살리라
벽을 잠으로 칠하면서
축축한 꿈으로 베개를 적시며
방 한구석에 곰팡이로 슬어서
상한 우유처럼 조용히 끓는
저녁 공기를 들이 마시며
째깍 거리는 시계 바늘은
나 굳지 않게 저어주겠지


엄마는 웃으셨다 긴 낮잠을 자고 일어났는데 고요한 방 안에서 어둑어둑한 창밖을 보면 지독히도 불행할 때가 있는데 그 때 느끼는 체념과 불안을 과장하여 털어놓는 농담이었다 나의 엄살과 자조를 엄마는 익히 알고 계셨다 그러나 아버지는 왠지 마음이 편치 않으신 모양이었다 염세주의를 피하라 하셨다 희망을 주어야 한다고 그래서 나는 나도 희망을 주고 싶다고 그러나 희망을 주는 글이 꼭 희망적일 필요는 없다고 말했다 

이붕구의 보들레에르 평전을 보면 머리말에 이러한 대목이 있다 한국전쟁의 포화 속 포로생활을 하면서 읽었던 여러 시인들의 안락한 서재에서 읊는 지성인들의 교양과 보기 좋게 담긴 지성의 은은한 향기 가운데, 불씨로 이 지옥같은 지상까지 내려와 정말로 그의 마음을 후벼 파고 들어왔던, 누더기를 입은 그의 처지를 눈물로 감싸 안아준 것은 오히려 그렇게도 타락했던, 그렇게 똑같이 불행했던 시인 보들레에르였다

긍정이 강요되는 시대일지도 모르겠다 지친 젊은이들의 맘을 위로한다며 강연을 다니고 리더십 스쿨을 여는 멘토 여러분들 젊게 사시느라 수고가 많으십니다 불만을 방지하는 사회적 장치이다 인생은 아름답다 하나 결과론적인 판단에 불과하다 우리는 분노가 필요하다? 자신의 행운을 뽐내는 것 만큼 추한 것도 없다 자신을 주인공으로 하는 디즈니 만화영화 같은 허구의 창조이다 무관심이고 무책임이다 긍정의 힘이라는 책을 낸 목사의 기름진 얼굴에 퍼진 만족스런 미소와 크게 벌린 콧구멍에 하드커버 성경전서를 꽂아주고 싶었다

추수감사절 주간이었다 이국의 명절이지만 친구들과 저녁도 만들어 먹고 이웃 집에 초대도 받고 멀리서 온 졸업한 선배도 만나며 즐겁게 지냈다 그러나 불과 며칠 전에 한 학우의 자살 기도가 있었다 같은 기숙사에 사는 친구는 그가 항상 웃는 얼굴을 가지고 있었다고 말해 주었다 나는 문득 소리내어 외치는 개인의 감사가 불행한 누군가에게는 독이 될 수도 있다고 생각해 보았다 교회당에서 항상 들려야 할 소리가 과연 감사인지 의문이 들었다 추수감사절의 전형인 초막절의 감사에는 선행과 구제가 뒤따랐다는 것을 알게 되었다 기독교의 중심에 놓인 가시 면류관과 십자가는 이런 면에서 의심 많은 나를 붙잡아준다

위로하여라, 위로하여라. 나의 백성을.
-너희의 하느님께서 말씀하신다.-
예루살렘에게 다정히 말하여라.
이제 복역기간이 끝나고
죗값이 치러졌으며
자기의 모든 죄악에 대하여
주님 손에서 갑절의 벌을 받았다고 외쳐라.
이사야 40:1-2

위로를 줄 수 있는 사람이 되고 싶다 진정한 희망은 너만의 행복보다는 우리 모두의 불행 가운데 있을 것이다
 
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1. 
Thus Heine found a way to make the kind of poetry he knew work against itself, restoring aesthetic intensity to a tradition gone soft. The wounded feelings acquire a cutting edge, the broken heart strikes back. If the poet---whether justly or not is of no consequence---felt himself to be hardly treated, he would mete out hard treatment to the beloved. One wonders if there had ever before been a body of love poetry in which so much accusation is directed toward the beloved, her stupid treachery, her careless malevolence. Thus emerged the special quality of what might be called Heine's anti-Romantic irony. The unity of unalloyed feeling is broken up by his famous Stimmungsbrechung, the sardonic breach of mood, that fascinated and bothered his contemporaries. The tone shifts back and forth from the emotional to the conversational, from the delicate to the blunt, the setting from the realm of the imagination to the banal scenes of modern society. It is all true in Heine's poetry: the feeling and the frustration, the hope and the delusion, the desirability of the beloved and her dimwitted cruelty. But there is no mediation between these contraries in the situation. The resolution is the poetry itself. Thus the poetry and what it is doing for the poet are ultimately the subject of the poetry rather than the beloved or the love story. The poet recovers his shaken dignity through the creative achievement. This is the complex internal story of the first ten years of Heine's poetry.

Jeffrey L. Sammons, Heinrich Heine: A Modern Biography (New Jersey: Princeton University Press, 1979), 61-2. 


위의 인용문은 하이네의 시편을 예로 들었지만, 많은 연애시 안에 상대방에 대한 연정과 원망이 혼재한다. 이는 연애시의 주인공이 사랑의 대상이 아닌 바로 사랑을 하는 화자라는데에서 그 이유를 찾을 수 있으며, 대부분의 경우에 시의 화자와 시인 자신이 일치한다는 데에서 연애시의 이러한 특수성이 비롯된다. 따라서 
일방적인 사랑에서 나오는 원망은 지극히도 개인적인 슬픔인데, 이러한 치부를 드러내지 않기 위해 어느정도의 cool함과 혹은 희생정신으로 자신의 원망을 위장하기도 한다. 이는 다시 말하자면 현실에서의 좋지 못한 둘간의 관계를 시 안에서 이상적으로 재정립 함으로서 첫째로는 현실 관계의 진전을 모색하고, 둘째로는 상처받은 시인 자신을 위로한다는 것이다.

바람직하지 못하지만, 짝사랑을 하는 사람은 자기 비하를 하게 된다. 짝사랑 노래의 대명사로 불리는 라디오헤드의 <Creep>만 보더라도 자신을 '얼간이, 상대방을 '너무나 특별한 사람'으로 묘사한다. 하지만 상기할 점은 연애시의 제작 과정 자체가 그러한 열등함을 극복함을 의미한다는 것이다. 비록 노래 안에서의 자신은 얼간이 이지만, 정작 최후의 승리는 그 특별한 사람이 아닌, 그를 소재로 아름다운 노래를 작곡한 시인 자신인 것이다. 상당수의 연애시들은 연인의 아름다움을 칭송하기 보다는 연인앞에서 자신의 탁월함을 내보이는, 더 나아가 사랑으로 인한 자기 비하를 극복하는 하나의 자기 위로 과정이라고 생각한다.

소넷18번의 immortalized 된 주인공은 기억되지 않아도 셰익스피어는 기억된다. All these works have been dedicated to some people or other, but who remembers them other than the authors? <신곡>의 진정한 챔피언은 아름다운 베아트리체가 아니라 단테 자신이다.


2. 
"[The Earl of Surrey] was more in loue with his own curious forming fancie than her face, and truth it is, many become passionate louers, onely to winne praise to theyr wits."

He praised, he praied, he desired and besought her to pittie him that perisht for her. From this his intranced mistaking extasie could no man remoue him. Who loueth resolutely, wil include euery thing vnder the name of his loue. From prose hee would leape into verse, and with these or such like rimes assault her

If I must die, let me choose my death, 
Sucke out my soule with kisses cruell maide, 
In thy breasts christall bals enbalme my breath, 
Dole it all out in sighs when I am laide. 
Thy lips on mine like cupping glasses claspe, 
Let our tongs meete and striue as they would sting, 
Crush out my winde with one strait girting graspe, 
Stabs on my heart keepe time whilest thou doest sing. 
Thy eyes lyke searing yyons burne out mine, 
In thy faire tresses stifle me outright, 
Like Circes change me to a loathsome swine, 
So I may Hue for euer in thy sight. 

Into heauens ioyes none can profoundly see, 
Except that first they meditate on thee. "

<The Unfortunate Traveller or The Life of Jacke Wilton>, Thomas Nashe



3.

다른 것은 poetry of seduction인데, 예를 들면
John Donne이 쓴 "The Flea" 같은 
사랑에 빠지지 않았을 때만 쓸 수 있는 시






4.

Sweet darling,

You are so sugary.
You've given me a toothache
In my heart.


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O Hercules,

그냥 쓰기 2011/11/12 13:58



S,

So, I made a complete fool of myself today (more so than usual). I forgot to look into a visa for India! I assumed that I could get it at the airport, like in Nepal. Not true. So, I went to the Indian embassy in Berne to figure out some way to expedite the process. As it turns out, the earliest I can get a visa is Monday. One day after my flight. On top of that, it's pretty much impossible to get a visa in Kathmandu at present: it's festival season, so the already chaotic and inefficient Nepali bureaucracy is even more inefficient now (imagine a room full of drunk B's). So, I'm working on rebooking my flights. Oh, the hassles of traveling...

How are you, my friend? Did you touch the hem of Salman Rushdie's velvet garment? Kiss his dusty boots?

Cheers,
M




Deer M,

Salman Rushdie came on Wednesday and graced the faces of Oberlin faculty and students with his sperm-whale-majesty. (If you don't get the pun, Shame on you!) That was two days ago, and I am still thrilled by my courage to come up to him and ask questions at the reception before the convocation - I inquired about the "blatant" allegoricism of Midnight's Children and whether it was consciously used to poke fun at some megalomaniac politicians who equal themselves with India and literary theorists headed by Frederic Jameson. He did acknowledge that it was his intent to employ the deluded mind of the narrator---Saleem---to parody those who allegorize history and put themselves at the centre (e.g. the former prime minister Indira Gandhi, whose electoral slogan was "Indira is India and India is Indira"), but he also emphasized that the weight was more bent to give the novel a sense of poignancy --- isn't it sad when poor Saleem finds himself a victim of history, instead of its master? While I find myself on the same boat with you (that is, I don't think I am his fan; taking a course solely devoted to one author is, contrary to my expectation, not fun! Rather than deepening my understanding of his works, it just tires me and deafens me to what distinguishes him from others), I have to say his smile, which was as mild and temperate as that of an Indian elephant bathing in the Ganges on a summer's day, did illumine my day a little bit.

... have a safe trip in Nepal/India!

S




M,

I am sorry to hear about your misadventure --- it is quite inconceivable to me that such an attentive mind like yours can make this kind of mistake; nevertheless it is still fortunate to know that beforehand. Do you know when you are flying this time? 

 
Your recommendation for my fellowship, which was done with the utmost kindness and consideration, brought me to tears --- tears are the best balm for exhausted hearts: after cleansing, apply 10mg to entire chest with a cotton pad, avoiding the nipples. Do not rinse... NO, but seriously, I am really grateful for your kind words! I am most certain that they will love your eloquence and fight with the temptation to choose you for the position instead of me. I will let you know how it goes.

It's midterm week in Oberlin. As of now I am occupied with so many things, albeit I may appear to be in leisure on Facebook. I admit -- I've been slacking!
 
See how Time flies like a fat old owl,
Frowning, upon us emptying its bowels.

Time does fly. And so will you, my friend, oh so soon. To east! 

Say hello to B's sister for me,

S




Namaste!

How are you? I've been in Nepal for a week now, and I just got back from the mountains! I'm still in shock from being back in civilization. After I first arrived in Pokhara, Dani and I trekked right away up to a small village called Ulleri. There were a lot of steps involved. We went there so I could document a children's home, which he opened a couple of months ago. The children are SO cute. There are only eleven of them right now, along with two caretakers, so it's like a little family. I ended up playing with children a lot more than filming them. Haha. I taught them how to swing dance. In return, they gave me lessons in Nepali dance. Apparently, when the children first arrived, they were really misbehaved and malnourished. I couldn't tell! They're always smiling and happy now. It's a wonder what a bit of love and care can do. While up in Ulleri, Dani and I also met with lots of families. In Nepal, EVERYTHING revolves around relationships. And it's important to have the town backing the children's home. As a result, we had to eat all kinds of things (including parts of a chicken I didn't even know existed! Dani's advice: "chew harder"). Because the people are so poor in Ulleri, they express their gratitude through the food (second, third, fourth servings). Other than those experiences, I quite like the food here. Most people eat "dal bhaat" for both lunch and dinner. It consists of rice, lentils, potatoes, and lots of spices. They also drink A TON of really sweet tea ("chiya"). At the moment, I'm staying at the house of the parents of one of Dani's Nepali friends. We don't understand each other AT ALL. It's quite funny. The grandmother always makes me tea and tries to feed me. The only annoying part: the grandfather turns on his radio REALLY loudly at 7am. And all the windows are screens, so there goes my sleep. We're staying in Pokhara for the next week, then we fly out to Leh (in Ladakh). From what Dani has told me, it's a pretty wild place. Apparently, when it gets dark, you have to stay inside, otherwise packs of dogs--many of them rabid--will KILL you.

Hope your midterms went well, like the emptying of the frowning, fat old owl's bowels!

Cheers,
M




Woah again, M, 

For I was just writing a long email to my parents, dropping some "American" names including your names here and there in the same way I would season a bowl of rice by sprinkling some sesame seeds on it in order to stimulate the eater's appetite, nay, thinking and wondering whether you were by now in Nepalindia, when I saw the Inbox label blink and - dada! thou hast vouchsafethed unto me a letter! It is always delightful to know that a friend of yours is thinking about you, and the effect exponentially increases when you two do that simultaneously. I AM SO GLAD TO HEAR THAT YOU ARE WELL!!!

I may sound a little oddly hyper right now, like a jolly baby in his wet diaper, because I am still awake at 3:35 in the morning finishing a German paper that is overdue, but also because I am in love. Yes, yet another love, and it is a different one from the last one. Whether this will end (or begin) happily or not, I have no clue; at least for me falling in love is a stimulant comparable to none. Again I am in the presence of a Muse, whom I infinitely paint and repaint in my dreams and daydreams, and the presence alone forms me and breathes life into me every morning (-or afternoon, depending on what time I wake up each day). AND I SAW EVERY THING THAT I HAD MADE, and, BEHOLD, IT WAS VERY CUTE. AND THE EVENING AND MORNING WERE THE SIXTH DAY.

Perhaps the prime cause of my present excitement is the walk I took with her this afternoon, a memory so vivid and being played and replayed in my mind even now, or the possibility that she might .... She asked me first if she can ..., and the rosy prospect made me swell with an infinite number of molecules of happiness-and-hope that I felt my whole body and mind throughly electrified. Therefore, please be understanding even if my words seem to be sporting in the dalliance of love, notwithstanding your letter which is filled with great news that aught to be celebrated with all might.

So! I am equally (ok, admittedly, a tiny bit less) excited about your trip to the mountains. All these things you mention sound very exotic even to my oriental (*ahem!) ears, and I am more than envious about this great time you must be having in the country of B. I have to admit, though: you do sound like a typical westerner for the first time experiencing the "wonderful" culture of this foreign country, trying to show respect and to understand their way of living, and mostly, sensing your wary feelings nullify as you see the poor children smile and old people acting endearingly. But then, I would have done the same things, and this is nothing to be ashamed of. Moreover I am more than sure that you will produce results that will proudly exhibit your unique insights and kind heart. Merely reading this email from you I can see that you are welcomed by the people there - and how can't they!

You must be excited (and a little bit intimated?) about the future destinations that lie ahead. That thing about the wild dogs does scare me. Be safe! Be polite to every creature you see, even the pebbles and trees, because in Nepal, every thing has a soul! I wish you a great trip - and may the great spirit of B the Dhungana be with you always!

Love,
S






M,

How are you? It's been very busy and tiring days since I last heard from you, and I still behold a massive influx of work until the end of this semester. I've been wonderful with the quality of my course work yet horrible with deadline, so the grades for this semester do not look too promising, but I don't even have the time to care. Sometimes I really miss you --- coming here this semester I began to hang out with other Koreans a lot more, and while I did make a few good friends, your place as a someone to talk to is still missing....

I'm really tired now, but I feel oddly inspired these days, and I have the impending sense which impels me to do something - more than ever.

T C,






S!

I'm happy to hear that you are well! New love and inspiration often go hand in hand. And on the basis of your last two e-mails, you are mightily inspired. Be sure to channel your inspiration into sundry creative endeavors, so that I (and others) and can partake in it. I don't think I know your lady love, do I? Help me. How have your amorous matters progressed since you last wrote me? ...... I miss the privacy of my home. While growing up, my parents taught my brother and me that everyone in the house has a right to be alone. When you try to be alone here, they think that you're either depressed or sick. Otherwise, the project is coming along very well. I'm in Ladakh right now, documenting Nepali migrant workers. They come up here because of extreme hardship faced back home (the unemployment rate in Kathmandu is around 60%). Many of them, however, get stuck in Ladakh as manual laborers without the means to get back to Nepal. In order to survive the winters here (which are savage), they're often driven to sell off their children, sometimes still infants at the time. Men also tend to marry more than one woman and, when things turn sour, soak an old wife in kerosene and burn her. Oh, Nepalis. I look forward to showing you what I've captured so far and to hear your wry and brutally honest, but always heart-warming, comments. I too miss you as a conversationalist. Finding someone with whom you can really talk is one of the most difficult strivings on earth. I wish you luck in your search. I think it's good that you're surrounding yourself with more Koreans. Keep those American influences at a distance. America is one jumble/idiocy of a culture (which looks even more idiotic from abroad). On a very different note, have you read Steinbeck's "East of Eden"? There's a Chinese servant in it by the name of Lee who reminds me of you. Not because he's Asian. He is very wise and ponderous and has your sensibility and humor. You should read the book sometime in your ample free time. It's quite the page-turner.

From beyond the Himalayas,
With nearly frozen fingers,

Yours, 
M

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