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'2012/02'에 해당되는 글 3건

  1. 2012/02/28 천진한 마음
  2. 2012/02/25 설날은 지루하다
  3. 2012/02/04 Standing up to boredom

천진한 마음

그냥 쓰기 2012/02/28 04:28
머리 위로 하늘은 너무 푸르러 아팠다. 아침의 냉기는 어디로 가고, 함께 도서관을 나와 손을 잡고 걸은 오후 1시의 교정은 천천히 내려온 햇살로 가득했다. 우거진 건물들, 빛이 미처 미치지 못한 사이 졸린 졸음은 서로를 스치고, 낱말은 바람에 날리며 사방으로 반짝, 산산이 서두르지 않으며 흩어졌다. 결국은 모두 밑으로 간다. 저녁에 다시 도서관에서 보기로 하고 먼저 교실로 들여보내고 나는 바깥 벤치에 앉아 담배에 불을 붙였다. 천천히 공중에 퍼지는 손에 잡히지 않는 것들을 보면 일학년 때 나는 이렇게 썼었다. '너무나 푸른 당신은 / 겸손한 하늘 / 그 커다란 공백에 싸여 / 난 할 말이 없다.' 난 그 때 무슨 말을 하고 싶었던 걸까. 길가 옆 잔디밭은 발목까지 차오르고, 거기 주인을 알아보지 못하는 개와 사람보다 반가운 오래된 장소와 잊고 싶은 추억들과 욕설처럼 들리는 일기예보와 버려진 낙엽이 있었다. 누가 버린 것도 아닌데 분명히 버려진 것이었다. 내가 할 수 있는 것은 생각 밖에 없었다. 햇살은 언 가지에 닿아 발을 감싸며 얼룩처럼 내리고. 왜 그 때 그애는 미안해 하면서 울었을까? 왜 그 때 나는 잠시 같이 앉아있다 가자고 하지 않았나. 생각 밖에 없었다. 그 밖에는 없었다. 다시 위로.
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설날은 지루하다

그냥 쓰기 2012/02/25 14:54

May I take the liberty of saying that in my opinion Lunar New Year in Korea is boring. It is the time of the year when you are shoved into a car, driven out of the city, leaving behind the beautiful forest of buildings and misty smog, and visit your grandparents who dwell in the monotony of green and the helpless boredom of the countryside, where the air is too fresh and the water abnormally clean. And that's not the worst part. The moment they see you, your grandparents will set out to stuff your stomach with all kinds of food, drink, and snack, that are all made at home, until you become so full that you will begin to think of the leftover Chinese food in your fridge that you could have just put in the microwave to cook. Things get worse once your other relatives arrive. We have this peculiar tradition of bowing to your elders, who will then exchange your respect with certain commodities, such as new year's wishes, platitudes, or allowance money. Who likes money anyway? And then another vicious cycle of eating, talking, watching movies, and playing games ensues. It's like Christmas here. So, in conclusion, Korean Lunar new year is boring.


______________________
이번 주말에 한국학생회가 베트남 그리고 중국학생회와 함께 주최하는 Lunar New Year Banquet을 위해 '나의 설날 이야기'라는 주제로 짧은 영상을 찍어 보내달라는 부탁을 받았는데 졸음을 이겨가며 어찌어찌 쓰다 보니 이런 글이 나왔다. 청중 여러분께서 예쁘게 봐주셨으면 좋겠다.

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Standing up to boredom

그냥 쓰기 2012/02/04 13:28
Dear M,

Sometimes, often in the middle of those painful efforts to naturally interact with people, I ponder upon the possibility that I might as well be the most boring person in the world, that there is, sadly, absolutely nothing in me to interest people that I love. I have actually wrestled with this problem for quite a long time, until I reached this odd conclusion that might interest at least you: Qua holder of the modifier "the most", however the most boring person in the world, strictly speaking, should be of at least some interest after all. Because, like those with unique abilities listed on the Guinness Book of Records, exceptional people deserve some interest. ("So, you are the most boring person in the world, how interesting.") 'All right,' I say to myself, 'then perhaps I am the second most boring person in the world, and that way I would be as boring as I suffer.' Following my previous reasoning, however, there is currently no person more boring than the second most boring person in the world, who should now be identified as the most boring person in the world. Then maybe the third.... the fifth.... and so on and so forth; until I face the fact that, if I am not mistaken and my logic is sound, I will eventually have to accept the position of the least boring person in the world, i.e.: I am a priori the most interesting person in the world! Tears of consolation flow over my cheeks...

And we drown. In tears... In boredom....


(The distant sea waves parched up to skin in a arid desert is to be heard all through this letter) ...... I seriously wonder what I am doing here and now, boring myself and them, aimlessly roaming in touristy places, squandering my parents' hard-earned pay. A fourth-year English major soon to be graduated (quite passively) and spat out of college (quite possibly), I am still purposeless and underachieving (positively). True, I've been rather blithely casual about my life in general, and I have never seriously considered making plans for future, as I've always done and regretted for the past two decades. But as I face my last semester at Oberlin, with an ominous anticipation about grades for the Fall that I think will be very bad, I am now a little bit worried. What am I going to be, or, if I'm not qualified to wonder even that, do? I have all too long foolishly surrounded myself with melancholy and idleness in order to shun away the truelty of life.

During our week-long stay in C, I read the first half of Either/Or and also halfwaythrough To the Lighthouse. I am already as tired of this world as the aesthete Either/Or or the Preacher in the Ecclesiastes, without having enjoyed all the earthly pleasures they know so well and throughly both mentally and physically. No wonder I'm without philosophy. I am like the bitter widow whose complains not even the just judge would lend ears to. I think I perfectly understand Prufrock when he beckons his lover to come away with him as soon as he opens his mouth, which, however, lacks the strength and courage to actually deliver his words sonically. I think this holds true for many men: what we really need is one who is simple, but attentive and clever enough to actually care about us and about our work. 'To hell with what others think but only you matter' kind of thing. But then Mr. Ramsey in To The Lighthouse has Mrs. Ramsey, and he still considers himself a failure. How vain, when I think about the Nepalis migrant workers and their children in your film; yet how infinitely sad, that we are all human beings who need daily food and daily defecation?

(......) 

This evening, however, I hastily wrote a short poem. Below is an equally haste English translation of the song:

 Gedankenlied (Thought Song)

Creatures that barely live on
Lean against each other and doze.
On the surface of the water*,
A dense, hazy flock of waterfowls.

My heart, this poor one,
Couldn't build itself a home.
So, alone, after sunset,
It wanders by the water.

A sigh as small as a pebble -
I pick it up and cast it to the water.
So the flock takes wing,
Flying in your direction.



*'the surface of the water', in Korean, sounds the same as 'sleep'

I'll probably regret it once I wake up tomorrow morning!

Yours,
S


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